Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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