So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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