guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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