The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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