my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
