i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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