omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
