Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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