Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
