no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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