I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
