I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
