I hate all girls vehemently.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
