I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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