; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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