i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
