One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
