was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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