just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
