i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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