This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
