dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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