when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
