The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
