It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
