i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
