I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
