I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
