My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
