i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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