Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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