You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
