Your face is a jimmy john
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
