Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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