She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
