I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
