You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
