Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
its liver damage thursday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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