I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
