There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
