Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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