is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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