Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
