Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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