Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
