I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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