I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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