so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
