oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
