I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
