I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
