We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
