I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's never too late to be topless.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
