I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
