ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
