cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My feet surprised me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
