; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
