Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
