Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
