I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize