He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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