Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
