I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
