Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
