Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
