I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
