you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
