even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
