I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
